Asking Favors
I’m seeing a lot going around about asking favors - with the Scalzi and Olsen posts out there.
I’ll raise my hand and say I have probably overstepped bounds at one time or another.(And by the way, if I did, sorry.) I have to say, it’s one of the big challenges. I mean, everyone wants the best feedback possible. Obviously, the published authors you know are the best. Right? Not always, but that’s a different topic.
Being an unpublished writer in a writers group is an odd experience. It’s like interning. You’re a peer/co-worker, but you aren’t. At least you feel like you aren’t.
At what point do you earn enough credibility to ask the published authors(in your loop) to read your stuff? Who likes you enough that they would do it? How do you know which ones absolutely hate giving feedback? It’s a skill. It’s different than writing. Not all writers are good at it.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s me. I have a hard time asking favors. I agonize over asking for help. I’m always concerned about following proper channels. This is even more true in my day job. Lots of this going on lately. It kills me when I feel my only choice is to bypass proper channels. I just don’t like asking people to do extra work because of me.
Writing is even weirder. I mean, is it appropriate to ask someone to read what they are working on? Can you offer feedback if they aren’t asking? If someone asks you for feedback, should you let them read something of yours? I can’t even fathom what the proper channels are outside of workshops or contests. Everything seems like a huge imposition to me. What’s the etiquette? If we’re both unpublished, is it ok? If published authors are within 5 books of each other?
At least in my day job there are official channels and I tell people when and why I am breaking them and give them the option of redirecting me. I don’t know what those are in writing.
So, yeah. I’m not asking you to read my stuff and I am not asking to read your stuff, if it isn’t published. I’m not saying I don’t want you to read my stuff and I don’t want to read your stuff. I’m just saying, I’m not asking. Freaks me out…
Comments
Comment from Patrick
Time: September 15, 2009, 9:28 pm
You know, I think there’s even a pecking order in critique groups. I think you can ask the whole group if anyone is willing and able, but to ask someone specific might be a bit of an imposition.
One day I hope to not have to imagine the requests that authors get. 
And you know I am never going to pass for NORMAL…
Comment from Robin Brande
Time: September 15, 2009, 9:34 pm
You’re normal-ish. Good enough.
Comment from Robin Brande
Time: September 15, 2009, 9:17 pm
I really liked that Scalzi post, and ended up reposting it for other people to read, because there are people like you, Patrick, and then there are other people who have no respect at all for boundaries. You seriously wouldn’t believe some of the requests that authors get.
I remember a very humiliating experience I had many years ago when I was still working on my first attempt at a book. I wrote to an author whose book I really admired, and I asked her if she’d be willing to read my manuscript, and if she liked it, would she pass it on to her agent? At the time I thought it was just smart networking.
Wow, the flaming e-mail I got back. She said she gets paid for her editorial services, and my request was like asking a doctor or a lawyer if he’d treat me/represent me for free. She really chewed me out for being so presumptuous, and made it clear that not only wouldn’t she read my work, she’d basically avoid it in the future if I ever ended up published.
I was so shocked by that response–mainly because I had absolutely no clue that what I’d done was out of line. But honestly, her response was so harsh, so over-the-top mean, I didn’t know what to do or say. I ended up sending her a very wordy apology, telling her I was so sorry for taking her time and asking for something so clearly wrong.
Could she have been nicer with her no? Definitely. Did I get the message? No question. And I never, ever approached another author I didn’t personally know.
But writing and critique groups are different. If you’re in one, it’s totally appropriate to ask another member of the group to read your stuff, and offer to read his or hers. That’s the value of those groups–learning from each other’s skills and mistakes.
The last thing I’ll say is that this whole business is about relationships. People can smell it if you just want something from them. But people can also tell when you’re a nice, genuine person who is working hard at his craft and–and maybe this is one of the most important things–is NORMAL. There are a lot of people out there who can’t pass that test, and that’s where the Scalzi blog post comes into play. You have to feel free to say no–in a nice way (hear that, mean author from my past?)–but still be firm in the no.
Whew. That’s my opinion anyway. Don’t know if that helps you or not!