Patrick Alan

RWA Nationals begins on Wednesday. Look down. Look up. I mean Tuesday. Unless you arrive on Monday.

You’re standing in the lobby. A woman walks by. Then another. And another. Then a mob of women are jogging. And by jogging, I mean drinking heavily in the lobby bar.

A person resembling the picture of @JessicaScott09 circles the lobby with two children and a man. Yes. A man. At RWA. He probably doesn’t know.

Kristen Painter arrives and you’re walking. Walking ten feet until you are hugging Roxanne St. Claire.

Suddenly, you’re introduced to Sarah Wendell, and you’re told she’s a Smart Bitch, even though she seems very pleasant.

Deidre Knight yells “Dimples!” and then “Michelle Wolfson”. And you say “I know, right?” and then smile at Deidre’s fifteen foot tall tall daughter. And then you think tall one more time.

Next you’re at an outside bar. Now that bar is inside and Toni Blake is drinking a rum runner and talking about a stick horse. Then Johnny Depp. No, he was not there, but Toni was. Did you see the rum runner? But enough about Willy Wonka. Why are there no napkins?

Now you’re being carded because you are standing next to Lindsey Faber. She says “No tattoo. No tattoo.” But there is no plane, either. Then you see that thing that you never thought you would see, but you will see again and your camera does not work.

Finally, Toni Blake is taking your picture. You smile pretty as Kristen Painter looks on in disgust.

Welcome to day one of RWA Nationals. Unless this is day two. Remember to wear at least 3 different pairs of shoes.