Patrick Alan

Oh yeah! It’s a kitten pic, coming live to you from the Patrick Alan blog. Word!

This is George. Fortuantely, he’s not a cat, because I’m not a big fan of cats. I mean, sure. They’re cute. They’re furry. They rub up against your leg and when you reach down to pet them, they run away. I swear it’s their way of dealing with the lack of toilet paper in the litter box. Don’t touch me! I’m just wiping my ass on our leg.

But not George. George is the first cat I have lived with that I like. Ok, he’s still a kitten, but he is awesome. George has rules. George wants me to sit in my chair and pet him, but not like a cat, like a dog. Dogs you don’t pet, you pat them. You beat them. Give them a big squeeze and thump them like you would after giving a manly hug which includes a few whacks on the back. Men can’t hug if there isn’t some sort of impact. Chest bumps are acceptable, too.

George likes this, too. I can poke him in the ear. He likes that. I can pull his tail. He thinks it’s funny. He fetches certain types of toys, or rather things that have become toys – like my $20 magnetic wristband that cures common ailments such as fatwallet.

Yes. George is awesome. He is fat and funny. And he is not a cat. I suspect dog. Maybe martian.

I know there are words on this page, but why? Just look at the kitten picture.